To Have Loved And Lost
by Alexxis T. Swan
Summary: Even the will of a true warrior had to be shaken sometime. For Annabeth, it was because of the two heroes that plagued her thoughts.


**Disclaimer**: I don't own Percy Jackson, hell I can't dream of writing something so good.

**Author's note**: I just did bad on the most important math test of the year. I needed something to cheer me up. Hence I posted this!  
>This is my first every Percy Jackson one-shot and probably my last. Takes place right after Lost Hero ends. Enjoy!<p>

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><p><strong>To Have Loved and Lost<strong>

**~.~**

To think that campers used to wait hoping for a quest. They were either bored or they wanted to prove themselves. She had once been one of them, awaiting her first quest. Now she couldn't believe there was a time when she had wanted- _wanted_ -to lead a quest. A hero was supposed to go out looking for trouble? Maybe that's what gets them killed.

_Not again._

After everything they'd been through; monsters killed, battles fought and the Titan war won, she didn't think she was about to loose him again to yet another group of enemies. Silly her- she had been such an idiot to let her guard down.

She should have known better than to think things would be ever alright, even for a few weeks. The Fates didn't have a quiet life in story for either of them.

This wasn't fair. They had completed the Great Prophecy, they had played their role. Didn't they deserve a break at the very least? Hadn't they earned it?

If this was the life of a hero then the ones who died young were lucky. As long as they died a true hero's death they reached the Elysium. She was pretty sure that was where Luke ended up, she'd have to ask Nico next time she saw him.

_Luke. _

Her mind had many simultaneous thought processes (a trait that came from her mother no doubt) and that was one she preferred subdued. It used to be the forefront of her mind at certain times (during those four years), like when one of her friends was about to die. It was like a voice mocking her, 'you couldn't save me so what makes you think you'll be able to save them?' The year Thalia had come back had been the worst.

She had let him use her yet again. He had led her into a trap, had used her as bait for Artemis, had held her hostage, and had let her bare the weight of the sky for crying out loud! And she had fallen for it like a blind fool. She was the daughter of Athena damn it! She should have been wiser than that, should have been stronger.

Maybe that was one of the reasons she actually thought about joining the hunters; so that she would feel stronger, braver, _better_. Maybe what happened with him- the way she had let him in and he had kicked her while she was down -made her think it'd be good to live a life without boys. Percy and Grover didn't need her that much, she had so selfishly thought, they could get on without her.

Its not that she couldn't save Luke, she had told herself, he doesn't want to be saved. Maybe it was because she couldn't admit her own failure.

But Luke had wanted to run away from the whole fiasco, run away with _her_. Why hadn't she believed him? Why hadn't she reached out to him? Probably because she'd become sick and tired of letting him trick her. It was one of those moments where one word could have changed the course of history, of that war. All she had to do was hear him out, give him a chance.

She should have tried to remember the old Luke. The one she met when she was eight years old. The one who taught her how to use the knife he gave her, who could fight away anything that made her scream (or grab her and run if he couldn't), who was her friend. It seemed like a lifetime ago when she, Thalia and Luke fought together, surviving against the odds.

Didn't matter though. Luke was meant to be Krono's vessel and he was meant to die by her knife, the one he had given her all those years ago. It couldn't have been any other way. When prophecies are made, it meant that some things were set in stone.

When she was in the Labyrinth, the whole freakin' time the last line of that prophecy was haunting her (that damn prophecy!), making her worry who it was talking about. It was like her head had been at war with itself, calculating the odds. Little good it did her.

_And lose a love to worse than death._

Yet when she found out Kronos had taken over his body, it still hurt despite the early warning. It felt like somebody had closed her throat completely and made her heart burn. She could have saved him. She could have left with him that day. For once logic hadn't prevail; for once she had heard her heart speak rather than her head.

Did that mean she still loved Luke then? Hermes was right in his rage.

Luke had wanted to talk with her back at that arena (albeit after her friends were dead). Now she'd always be wondering what he would have said.

Annabeth liked to think of herself as a strong, smart woman. She knew her strengths and acknowledged her weaknesses. She didn't like being unsure or physically inferior to anyone. Her fatal flaw was her deadly pride. She didn't give up and she didn't back down. Whether it was a good or bad thing depended on the situation.

So when she was fighting last summer, she was fighting for many things- to save her friends, Olympus, and humankind but also to save Luke Castellan; a boy- no a hero- who would always be on her heart like a tattoo.

She did love him, love him like a brother, she realized. A bond as thick as blood. It didn't matter how many times he betrayed her, she couldn't hate him. No matter what she could hate the boy who had caused her so much grief over those past four years because when you loved someone that much you couldn't help but forgive them.

And they had saved his soul. She'd held him in her arms as he passed away. It was like a weight had been lifted off of the both of them. In the end, she _had_ been able to save him. That shut the damned voice up once and for all.

When Percy went missing, she threw every inch of her being into finding him. She was so sure that it was within her reach, that there was no way she'd fail if she merely refused to give up. She didn't have much time to feel sad, she made sure of that. And if her thoughts became pessimistic, she'd counter them with confidence. She wasn't exactly sure where her resolve came from, but a part of her just knew that this wasn't the end of it, that she would see him again.

Maybe if she wanted it bad enough, she could will it into happening. So she pushed on in her search.

The campers had looked to her for leadership. After the final battle of the War last summer, she supposed they saw her as second in charge after Percy. His absence made her Regent until he came back. He had to come back.

Truth was that even she was shaken by his disappearance. There was only so much a girl could take. Keep piling things up, one day the stack will collapse on you. But she put on a brave face, as much as she could at least. They could see the cracks, at least some of them.

When she had stumbled upon Jason, Piper and Leo in the Grand Canyon, she couldn't believe that Jason was supposed to be the answer to everything. She was supposed to find Percy, she wanted it to be Percy so bad but things were never that easy were they? Instead she found a lost hero.

And now that the hero had re-discovered himself she knew where Percy was. Just like Hera said she would.

Hera. She was furious the instant she put it together. Again all logic and sense went out the window. She didn't care that it had to be done to unite the two camps so they could stand a chance against the giants. She didn't care about the fate of the world. Who the hell did that bitch of a goddess think she was to take Percy away from her?

Annabeth had lost enough. Hera wasn't even giving Jason back his memories, they were coming back to him gradually by themselves. It was a bluff then. Jason hadn't needed Hera to get back his memories and if that was the case neither did Percy. When she found him, they could get back his memories together. No more Hera needed. They should have just left her in the cage to be consumed. Porphyrion rose and escaped anyway.

She was being so selfish so whiny, she knew, but she couldn't stop herself. Maybe she wasn't as grown up as she thought she was.

It only lasted for a minute though. Then she got over it.

Now she knew the answer to a question that she hadn't been able to find on her own. Well not exactly where he was, but the area at least. Now she had a goal in sight, a finish line to reach. She just hoped she wouldn't be too late.

She shook her head, what was she thinking? Percy knew how to take care of himself, he was near invincible (from that dip in the River Styx). Considering all the tough spots he'd gotten himself out of, he'd probably make it through this one too. He always did.

She frowned. If his memories were completely gone the way Jason's were, would he even remember her? It scared her, the thought that he wouldn't know her, wouldn't know everything they had been through together since they first met, wouldn't even know himself. And what if he fell for another demigod?

She pondered with dry humor if it would count as cheating.

Did Jason have an old girlfriend? If he remembered her, would he cut himself off from Piper? Or would he stay with her? It didn't seem fair to any of them- the old girl, him or Piper.

She reminded herself that Jason had done it. He had figured out who he was and was regaining his memories albeit slowly. She had to have faith in Percy and in their relationship.

She might have lost Luke for good but it was not going to happen again. Not this time. They say it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Maybe they were right. It made her stronger; it made her a fighter.

She was going to find Percy and when she did, she'd run into his arms, kiss him and never look back. They'd done enough for everyone, they'd fufilled enough prophecies. They didn't have to be part of the seven in the prophecy. They could run away (Luke did have a point back then) to a place where the gods couldn't reach them.

Whatever happened she wasn't about to let him go ever again. Annabeth swore to it.

**~.~**

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><p><strong>After reading Lost Hero I just had to write about Annabeth; she was beautiful, strong and tragic regardless of the fact that she was barely there. Now that is one amazing woman. ;)<strong>

**Wrote this before I read Son of Neptune- now I'm dying for Mark of Athena. **

**Reviews please?**

_~Alexxis T. Swan_**  
><strong>


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